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Lenore: Topic is practicing courage.

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Lenore: So it was.

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Lenore: I didn't know this, but so I was. I was pleased to hear in Stephen's talk this morning. That courage is is one of the translations

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Lenore: actually of today's word.

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Lenore:  I think,

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Lenore: the reason II wanted to focus on this topic is, I think it's obviously really relevant

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Lenore: to engaging in a world in crisis.

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Lenore: But personally, I also find that.

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Lenore: Do you need something, Guy.

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touching what can talk on sexist.

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It's

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Lenore: okay.

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Lenore:  so we're talking about practicing courage.

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Lenore: So it's not just irrelevant.

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Lenore: I think of it as a character strength.

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Lenore: It's also I find it really moving when I see it. when I observe it in other people. And I think the reason is because I know it's really hard.

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Lenore: It can be really hard to practice courage.

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Lenore: I actually work with this a lot. I try to practice it a lot.

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Lenore: I think of courage as the willingness to act in line with my values. in the presence of fear or pain.

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Lenore: so it makes sense that the situation itself may or may not demand courage of of me as a person depending on

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Lenore: whether I find that fearful or not.

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Lenore: But it is a response. It's not a

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Lenore: it's not a personality trait.

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Lenore: It's I mean, I anticipate there might be a little bit of personality influence there. I'm thinking about the personality variable.

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thank you.

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Lenore: Poetically called neuroticism. Which is just, you know your anxiousness.

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Lenore: general level of anxiousness. It's a sort of psychophysiological setting. Might impact it. But at the end of the day

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Lenore: courage is a practice. It's a response to the world, a so response to the situation. It's not an endowment. It's not something we either have or we haven't.

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Lenore:  Oh, you're just courageous.

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Lenore: Now I practice courage.

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Lenore: It's also really dumbic, because

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Lenore: it involves us

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Lenore: often voluntarily

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Lenore: walking into a situation that might, in fact, increase

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Lenore: our level of anxiety, it might actually increase the unpleasantness I'm feeling in the moment.

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Lenore: So it, you know, if if we think of the dummere as

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Lenore:  you know, we're we're practicing being with the unpleasant.

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Lenore: allowing it.

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Lenore: Then you know this. This is more than that. It's actually, in some cases choosing it.

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Lenore: which is why it's hard. and I also see it as an act of love. especially if we're practicing courage

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Lenore: for the betterment of

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Lenore: someone.

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Lenore: whether that's ourselves or or other beings.

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Lenore: So it's the reason I see it as an act of love is, you know, we're voluntarily experiencing unpleasantness for the benefit of a bank. whether that's ourselves

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Lenore: or another.

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Lenore: So I find it really moving when I when I see it.

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Lenore: I don't know if any of you have come across the book called it was turned into a movie as well. The movie is called Peaceful Warrior. and it was about a guy, young American

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Lenore: university student, who was a very talented gymnast.

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Lenore: and he has an accident which knocks him on his bum, you know, both

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Lenore: literally and emotionally.

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Lenore: and he comes across this character, this kind of enigmatic

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Lenore: character who runs the local servo service station.  and

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Lenore: this guy. He's quite dharmic in his views.

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Lenore: and he becomes a bit of a mentor and a guide for this young man, and and and

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Lenore: has a bit of a transformational impact on him.

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Lenore: and that that term peaceful warrior kind of stuck with me. And

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Lenore: in a way, I think we, as dumber practitioners.

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Lenore: wanting to ethically engage with the world in crisis. We need to be

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Lenore: peaceful warriors.

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Lenore: Because we're swimming against the stream

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Lenore: of reactivity. both our own and others. and

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Lenore: it takes courage to take our dumber practice out into the world.

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Lenore: out out of our, you know. Nice little meditation room, if we have one.

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Lenore:  you know where we brush up against

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Lenore: our own proclivities and for for reactivity brush up against the world and everybody else's.

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Lenore: They can be challenging.

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Lenore: So it takes courage to do this, to try and engaged in a way where we're

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Lenore: accepting the situation as it is and responding rather than resisting and reacting.

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Lenore: One of my little kind of guide posts, except in respond, don't resist. And react

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Lenore: now.

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Lenore: something I've learned as I've gotten older. II never used to do this is that

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Lenore: sometimes not responding to a situation is okay. Sometimes that's wise.

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Lenore: If it's a mindful decision

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Lenore: that that's the most skillful course of action. In the moment

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Lenore: I was pleased to hear where the

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Lenore: act like a piece of wood act like a block of wood is something that I use quite often in a practical way.

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Lenore:  If if I'm

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Lenore: if I don't feel like I can access any more skillful response. Then my my kind of fallback position is act like a block of wood

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Lenore: man with a block of wood dude? Nothing.

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Lenore:  so I have changed. You know myself sometimes. I don't

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Lenore: respond at all these days. If if I think that's the most most skillful thing I can do in the moment.

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Lenore: but sometimes not responding is a version

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Lenore: 2.

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Lenore: It's an aversion, aversive reaction that's dressed up as

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Lenore: a virtue of, you know non-confrontation or peacefulness

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Lenore: rather than it being a values-based response in the presence of fear or pain.

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Lenore: I want to continue a story. I started telling you a couple of days ago I mentioned the kitchen table discussions, and how I didn't get involved because of the uncertainty about it.

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Lenore: Well. and and how that ended up being a

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Lenore: a candidate for the Federal election in May last year. Here.

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Lenore: and A friend of mine ended up being involved with this, and so she told me about it, and and encouraged me to get involved.

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Lenore: and at first I

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Lenore: I was hesitant. I remember when Barack Obama was first elected into office, and I remember hearing about

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Lenore: how part of the reason part of part of how he achieved that was through these incredible grassroots! Campaigns where, you know, people were out in the suburbs door knocking

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Lenore: for for a political candidate in an election. And I remember thinking.

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Lenore: Wow, people do that

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people

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Lenore: actually go and knock on doors to talk to people about

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Lenore: politics.

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Lenore: I couldn't believe it, and the idea of me doing it was I had a very aversive reaction to that.

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Lenore: You know, imagining myself knocking on doors and and inviting people to some kind of conversation about politics. It was just a very, very aversive

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Lenore: reaction to that.

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Lenore: But so when my friend

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Lenore: suggest that I come and and and join in the volunteer army  it, it took courage

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Lenore: for me, because, as I say, I felt really uncomfortable about it. I could never dream. In a million years I would be involved in a political campaign.

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Lenore: but I did. and at first, so there were all sorts of things. As part of this campaign. There was door knocking. Obviously there were letterbox drops. There were hanging around supermarket doors, handing out flyers.

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Lenore: There were banner waving things. You'd pick a you know, high traffic spot in Peak hour, and we'd have all these banners, and you know we'd have music on. And you know you're generally having a good time waving the banners, just trying to raise awareness about

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Lenore: the fact that we had this candidate. And remember, this is the

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Lenore: safe Liberal seat. So we were trying to unseat

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Lenore: the party that had been in power forever.

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Lenore: So, anyway, I started with letterbox drops on my little electric scooter. That was not too bad, quite enjoyed that seeing some bits of the neighborhood that I'd never seen before.

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Lenore:  And oh, we did coffees, you know we all stand around in. I wore this as a prop.

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Lenore: This was our candidate, Sophie scomps.

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Lenore: So we'd all wear these blue T-shirts, and we'd meet on the corner down at the beachfront high traffic area, you know, lots of people walking by, and we'd just have coffee together.

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Lenore: And you know some people would come up and ask about it. And what have you? And

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Lenore: but the door knocking was the one that I really, as I say, I really had some aversion to.

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Lenore: but they had this app, and they had all the tasks. And and yeah, what they needed volunteers for when and the messages were coming quite frequently, that, you know, we've got a door knock in this region on Saturday. We really need more volunteers. We really need more volunteers.

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Lenore: and

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Lenore: I would see the little messages coming up from other people who'd already jumped in and started doing it.

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Lenore: and

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Lenore: there were things like, Oh, look! I can't make that time, but I've got an hour between dropping off the kids at this time, and when I've got to go, you know. Pick up this or whatever, and so does anyone want to come? Do an hour's door knocking with me, and you know someone. Yep, I'll do that with you. So I was just witnessing

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Lenore: this courage by all these other people

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Lenore: who were just jumping in and doing it. and

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Lenore: the demographic of the group. So there were, I think, there were, over 1,200 volunteers in the end.

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Lenore: and the demographic of the group is probably not dissimilar to our retreat here.

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Lenore: So it was. There were a lot of silver tops.

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Lenore: and not a whole lot of people under the age of

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Lenore: 25

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Lenore: which, whenever I hear Greta Thunberg talking about generational things, I think, hang on a second. the oldies in my electorate very responsible and very active.

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Lenore: So

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Lenore: these these people inspired me. They inspired me to think Well, if they can get out there and do it, so can I.

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Lenore:  So

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Lenore: for me this was an example of why courage is important. Why this willingness to walk into our fear. holding firmly to our values of non harm, or kindness, or

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Lenore: protection, or you know, whatever it might be, whatever version of non harm to kindness it might be.

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Lenore: holding tight to those values, and walk willingly, walk into

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Lenore: that unpleasant feeling of fear.

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Lenore: One of the there was a book called Feel Affair and Do it anyway. You know that that that kind of thing

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Lenore: and I want to suggest that it's important for 3 reasons. And funny enough.

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Lenore:  I mean, there's obviously the direct impact. So we won. We were one of the first electorates called on election night.

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Lenore: and

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Lenore: it wasn't just a small victory. We absolutely landslid it.

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Lenore: So we now have our own independent candidate who is

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Lenore: speaking up for climate change, speaking up for politics, integrity in politics. That was another thing, she ran on. So some of these things that we just did you know we were just not being listened to at all.

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Lenore: So there's the direct impact of our actions.

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Lenore: Obviously. So I mean, you're not always gonna win. You're not always gonna

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Lenore: have the impact you want. But you might.

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Lenore: The second reason I think it's really important to practice courage is the ripple effects.

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Lenore: So those those oldies out there doing just getting on with it. They inspired me.

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Lenore: I thought, if they can do it, I can do it.

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Lenore: And it's funny, you know, because, as I said at the beginning, what requires courage, what actually scares us is really different. Depending on who you are.

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Lenore: You know, I've conquered the fear of of lining up on the start line in in a 400 metre hurdle final at world championship. Athletics, meets.

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Lenore: you know, being live streamed all around the world, you know 10,000 people watching

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Lenore:  I've developed that kind of courage, and I don't have done enough now that I? I don't get anywhere near as

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Lenore: scared as I used to, and yet there I was really afraid of going and knocking on doors in a political campaign.

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Lenore: So it just depends what it is that

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Lenore: that you find uncomfortable. That is what is going to require courage.

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Lenore: So the ripple effects. And I think couple of people have touched on that already. The the

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Lenore:  you know, the person who who planted the trees in the local area, and then others are starting to, or the garden, I think Des was telling us, and then now other people are wanting to know how to do it too.

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Lenore: So

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Lenore: we inspire other people by by practicing courage as well.

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Lenore: And then the third reason I think it's really important to

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Lenore: practice courage is that.

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Lenore: as I said, it's not. Courage is not an endowment, it's something we practice. It's a response that we practice. And so

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Lenore: by practicing courage we become more courageous.

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Lenore: and we become more likely

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Lenore: to practice our courage again.

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Lenore:  I had an interesting example of this not too long ago.

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Lenore: A few months ago. I was having to do my training at a synthetic soccer field because our track was being resurfaced. and it was on a weekend. And it's this big soccer field. There are 3

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Lenore: 3 soccer fields, and then a whole bunch of space around them, and so

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Lenore:  doing. Sprinting. You kind of need. An even surface, so synthetic. Soccer fields are kind of my plan. B. If I can't go to the track.

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Lenore: So I'm doing my running my runs sort of around the edge of these soccer fields, and there are games going on in their men's games and

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Lenore: So I've I've done a run, and this game in the field next to me is has wrapped up, and so the team that won, and they've got their arms around each other, and they're singing their Victory song.

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Lenore: And I'm walking back and just sort of noticing what's going on. And then I start tuning into the words of their Victory song.

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Lenore: And it's the typical stuff about who you know how great we are, and you know you'll be defeated, you girly, girly girlie boys.

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Lenore: and I'm thinking what

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Lenore: and this was in the middle of the Women's World Cup as well. By the way, so this was soccer was men's soccer, and I was singing an insult to their opposition team about being girly, girlie, girlie boys. And I just thought.

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Lenore: this is not okay

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Lenore: and

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Lenore: And I walked back to where I left my stuff, and I'm looking at, and by this time I've

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Lenore: gathered over on the side of the field and finish the game. and, I'm thinking.

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have to say something to these men.

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Lenore: and then so I imagined going over and saying something. And immediately fear came up in his like

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Lenore: 20

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Lenore: adrenaline field. Sweaty blokes, you know. You just want to suck a game on the side of the field.

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Lenore: And then I thought to myself. What am I afraid of?

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Lenore: What's the worst can happen? They're not going to beat me up.

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Lenore: They might insult me. They might put me down. They might belittle me.

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Lenore:  that'll pass.

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Lenore: So I started walking over. and there was a man who was leaving at the time, and II thought I better have a plan, B, in case they

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Lenore: they react badly and and they do insult me, and whatever because most sports and clubs, and whenever they have a code of conduct, and I thought, Plan B. If it goes really badly.

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Lenore: I'll put in a complaint to the club.

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Lenore: So this guy was leaving, and and I just asked him, you know what team was that that just won that game because I thought we need to know what the club is.

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Lenore: And he said, Oh, it's Mosman.

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Lenore: Wow, okay.

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Lenore: anyway. So a win over. and he's like sort of standing around. And I asked the closest man.

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Lenore: do you have a team manager here?

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Lenore: And he's like, Oh, yeah, that's this guy here in the hat.

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Lenore: And so Hi and I said, Hello! Is it done?

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Lenore: I was just. I couldn't help hearing your Victory song just now.

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Lenore: And I was really curious. I said.

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Lenore: you're singing, you girly girlie girlie boys.

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Lenore: and I just thought what the

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Lenore: and then there was this kind of moment of pause when nobody said anything.

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Lenore: and then they erupted in laughter. And I'm thinking what the hell and

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Lenore: When the team manager finished laughing, he said, oh, no, our team is curl curl. We're singing with a curly, curly, curly voice.

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Lenore: So so we had a good laugh

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Lenore: about that, and they decided that maybe they need to think about changing their song

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Lenore:  Advertising themselves as gaily voice

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Lenore:  but anyway, so that it turns out, you know, there was. There was actually no harm

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Lenore: being done anyway.

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Lenore: But I still think I'm really still really glad that I did it. because for 2 reasons, one.

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Lenore: if if a loan

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Lenore: female is willing to walk up to a bunch of sweaty, adrenaline field men and say, Hey. it's not okay to thing about girly, girlie girlie, boys.

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Lenore: that says something about what's acceptable and not acceptable. and how acceptable and not acceptable it is in our culture.

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Lenore: you know. I think 50 years ago. Would would a woman have done that? Not so sure. Maybe. But

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Lenore: there's something I just thought, you know, I've I've made a statement there a public statement, even though it wasn't

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Lenore: what I thought it was.

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Lenore: I've made a public statement that you know that wouldn't. That kind of thing is not okay. And then the second reason is that

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Lenore: it was a really good training session for my courage muscle.

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Lenore: And so I had another situation not long after that. with a coach. I was training at the track. So this was a few months later. Our track was back. We had the track back, and I was doing my sprint hurdles, training.

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Lenore: and there was a group there with a sort of experienced coach.

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Lenore: and you know I knew them a little bit. and he had music blaring.

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Lenore: and it was really loud, and they don't normally do that. But for some reason they had that going this day, and

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Lenore: and I thought

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Lenore: I was having real trouble concentrating, and especially with spoon hurdles. You've got to concentrate. You cannot be distracted

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Lenore: trying to do spin hurdles.

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Lenore:  So I thought, I'm going to have to ask John to turn it down. So

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Lenore: John is the the coach. He's an old bloke. He's probably 6 foot minus 6 foot 2, and he's and he's a grapho bugger.

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Lenore: He's, you know, rough as guts. He doesn't care who he offends

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Lenore: and

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Lenore: And anyway, I thought, well, I have to ask him, because John and he's like what can't hear you tell you how loud it was. And then I walked over, and I said, Oh, would you mind turning it, anyway? That was fine. He turned it down a bit.

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Lenore: so I went back and I tried to train him.

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Lenore: I'm still finding I can't concentrate, and by this time he's got his whole squad standing around him. So you know, 10

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Lenore: athletes. Most of them are in their kind of 20 s.

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Lenore: And I'm standing there, and I'm thinking I need to ask you. I really don't want to ask him again so, and I'll try and try and just really concentrate, and I'll be okay.

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Lenore: Anyway, I tried again, and I had to abort my run like I just, I couldn't concentrate. And so I'm thinking, either this is going to be complete waste of the session. or I'm going to have to go and ask him again.

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Lenore: That's how I thought right. If I can go and confront the Girlie girlie, girlie, boys, I can go and confront John right? So the the actual fact that I did that with the girly boys made me.

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Lenore: It gave me courage. It thought, you know, if I can do that, I can do this

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Lenore: and and this one was an Id. So the second time around he wasn't as helpful, or he did turn it down. But

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Lenore: in the meantime he was

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Lenore: kind of insulting to me

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Lenore: is just being catty. You turn to me and go. You got real problems, you have. And I said, Yeah, I know I can't concentrate on my training.

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Lenore: he said. No, you got real problems with your hurdle technique. I'm like.

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Lenore: Oh.

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Lenore: and I acted like a block of wood in this scenario, because I was really not expecting him to say that. And I realized he wasn't being constructive. He was being insulting.

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Lenore: So I just I just walked off.

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Lenore: But then I got home, and I thought.

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Lenore: because the context was, I've been injured for a couple of years, and so I haven't, you know. Been haven't been performing at my best for a while, and so I wasn't exactly brimming with confidence, so to have an experienced

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Lenore: hurdles coach come over in the middle of my session, or, you know, say to me, in the middle of my session, you've got problems, your hurdle technique. You have

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Lenore: it just. It wasn't helpful.

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Lenore: Anyway, I got home, and I did. I did a little self-soothing practice that I have. I call it touching the ground. I get it from the Buddha. You might know the

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Lenore: the the story about when

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Lenore: Mara was visiting the Buddha

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Lenore: and trying to knock him off his path by

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Lenore:  sowing self doubt you know. Who are you? Do you think you can

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Lenore: teach this stuff about awakening? And the Buddha just touches the ground to say

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Lenore: I've done it. and that's what. So

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Lenore: for me, the practice of touching the ground is just reminding yourself of the facts.

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Lenore: It's a little yeah. When so when self doubt comes comes by. Just line up the the evidence and and look at it.

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Lenore:  And so I just did it. There's lots of reasons for me to feel confident. But then I thought to myself.

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Lenore: That's actually not okay. You know he's an experienced hurdles coach.

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Lenore: and I've got lots of reasons to touch the ground, and you know I'm being world champion in the long hurdles, being world champion in the short hurdles. In fact, I've never been beaten by another Australian ever in a hurdles race short or long.

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Lenore: I hold Australian records. My coach is is the guy who coached. The the guy who holds the the like open

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Lenore: sprint hurdles world record. Guy named Aires merit. His coach is my coach. I think he knows what he's doing.

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Lenore: so I had all these sort of, you know.

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Lenore: bits of evidence that I could just line up and go.

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Lenore: I don't need to listen to that, you know, but

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Lenore: that's pretty rare. And you know, young athletes who are still developing there

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Lenore: confidence.

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Lenore: And it's a tough sport. Athletics, you know. It's you on that line. It's really clear whether you succeed or whether you fail. It's a fantastic developmental sport for young people.

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Lenore:  And if he were to say that kind of thing to a young person who didn't have all that evidence to be able to line up and go. I'm not listening to this old grump.

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Lenore: That could be really damaging.

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Lenore: And I'm a coach, too, and I know that there are, you know, professional standards with coaches. You're not supposed to do things like that, that, you know, can potentially

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Lenore: damage or hurt.

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Lenore: And so I thought, and plus, he's just a bully. And I think, you know.

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Lenore: that's not okay to have him out there thinking it's okay to to speak to people like that.

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Lenore: So I decided I'd

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Lenore: I talked to him about it, and I put quite a bit of thought into how I was going to do it.  some of you might be familiar with Nvc. Nonviolent communication.

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Lenore: and one of the one of the little tactics in that is, when you're about to have a

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Lenore: potentially difficult conversation with someone.

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Lenore: don't have a harsh startup.

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Lenore: you know. Pay attention to the startup to the conversation. Make that

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Lenore: friendly.

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Lenore: imbued with a sense of goodwill. You know. What have you? So I mentally rehearsed it

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Lenore: so that it was going to be a credible intention in, in, so that it would carry me through, tried to develop that internal condition of having a credible intention. I imagined. What will I say to him when I see him

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Lenore: I made a decision. I'll wait until I can get him on his own, so that he's not in front of his group because he's the kind of guy his his identity, his selfing is around being in charge and being the expert and always being right. And what have you? So I figured it's you know. It's only going to make it harder

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Lenore: for him to respond. Well, if I speak to him in front of his group. So I thought, right. I'll get him on his own

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Lenore: and so it took me a couple more times of seeing him before I had the chance to get him on his own. But II did, and I walked off and said, John can have a word.

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Lenore: He kind of looked at me and go. Do yeah

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Lenore: and I said

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Lenore: the other day, when I asked you to turn the music off, I said,

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Lenore: I didn't. I really didn't want to ask you to do that, I said II was actually really enjoying your music, which I was. It's half the problem.

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Lenore:  I said, you know, it's just that it it was really distracting.

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Lenore: And

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Lenore: and he goes, yeah, right?

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Lenore: And I'm like.

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Lenore: No, it was. It was distracting, like I had to abort one of my runs to hurdle one

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Lenore: because I mucked it up, and I never do that.

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Lenore: Yeah. Well, what about that that group over there. They play music.

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Lenore: and I'm like what group?

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Lenore: And he was pointing to a squad that trains right over the other side of the track, and I'm like, Well, I can't hear that music, John.

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Lenore: Oh, well, what about when you're at races, and you know, and there's people everywhere, and they're all talking, and you know, how do you not get distracted with that? So you know this, you get the idea?

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Lenore:  So he was. He. He was defensive. And then he went on a counterattack and tried to tell me that once I'd told I'd told one of his athletes what to do.

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Lenore: and I'm like, Oh, did I?

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Lenore: When did? When did I do that? Oh, I was a couple of years ago. He says, right, okay.

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Lenore: anyway, John, the point is. it was just really distracting, and it was unhelpful for you to say those things that you said to me in the middle of my session. No, it wasn't

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Lenore: says, anyway, so it didn't. It didn't go. Well, all right, it didn't. I didn't get the outcome that I wanted.

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Lenore: But then, as and then, as he. So he finished his sort of counterattack, and then he goes, all right. Well, I just might talk to you anymore. And then he just turned around, and

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Lenore: one of his athletes was walking past, and he just turned around and walked off a few paces away.

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Lenore: And I didn't. I just stood there, and I just looked at him.

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Lenore: and he just sort of started chatting with this athlete. And then I just said to him. You can be really rude sometimes, John. think it's yeah, no.

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Lenore: And I thought, Oh, okay.

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Lenore: I tried.

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Lenore: So I walked off anyway, and in the end I had a plan. B with him I actually spoke to, because we're part of the same club. I spoke to the the president of our club, and I just said, You know, I just want you to know this is what happened.

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Lenore: I'll leave it with you. But

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Lenore: you know my question to you is, is this okay from a club coach.

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Lenore: you know, if he were to behave that way towards

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Lenore: a younger athlete or a less confident person, or what have you, anyway? The club present ended up, having an hour-long conversation with him.

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Lenore: so I didn't get the outcome I wanted in the moment.

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Lenore: But again I'm glad I did it

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Lenore: because

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Lenore:  a. It was me practicing, you know. It was me building the fitness of my own courage muscle again.

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Lenore: and B. I think you'll think twice next time.

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Lenore: Bullies. Usually

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Lenore: they keep going because they get away with it. They keep going because nobody stands up to them.

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Lenore: And so there's been a consequence of his actions, and hopefully that will minimize the chances that he is destructive towards anybody else in the future.

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Lenore: So whether or not you know, the outcome is what

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Lenore: I wanted, or the practicing of courage is I. So I still believe.

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Lenore: a really important part of engaging ethically with our world. And this is obviously a crisis. You know, Mini crisis in my own little inner circle of that 3 concentric circles.

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Lenore:  But it was it was a challenge, nevertheless.

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Lenore: So

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Lenore: I want to

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Lenore: offer you an activity now. And

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Lenore: perhaps I'll just give you a you know, couple of minutes. If you want to stand up, move around

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Lenore: last night there was someone not feeling well.

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Lenore: somebody

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Lenore:  so tired they were nearly falling off the chair. So if you'd like to just take a minute or 2.

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Lenore: Okay, did you get the writing down of the scenario bit or none of it?

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Lenore: Okay.

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Lenore: okay, so the instructions were to

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rena czaplinska-archer: write down just a phrase to represent

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Lenore: the situation where you had an opportunity to engage

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Lenore: with the world

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Lenore: in some way that could be beneficial, and there was pot. Some harm being done.

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Lenore: You could have said or done something, but you didn't.

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Lenore: so I'm just repeating it. So I'm just repeating this for the recording.

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Lenore: and you're not 100% sure whether that was the right thing to do or not. So that's situation one.

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Lenore: And we want you to just write a phrase to represent that, so that we've got that.

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Lenore: Then the next step was to describe the benefit that would have been possible if you had practice courage in that situation

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sick.

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rena czaplinska-archer: and then where we're up to, just to catch up

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Lenore: up to where we were is the third

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Lenore:  instruction is to write down the setting of the incident. So set the context where you were. Who else was there? What was happening around you?

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Lenore: How are you feeling at the time

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Lenore: just prior to the incident. So setting the scene

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Lenore: so once you've described the setting. then recall in as much detail as you can, the incident itself. So just the facts. What happened? Who said or did? What? What did you do?

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Lenore: And just recall as much of that as you can?

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Lenore: Just factually.

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Lenore: Okay. So once you've got the incident described.

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Lenore: now bring to mind why it was in the moment you decided not to do anything. And let's focus first on feelings. So if you can remember what feelings

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Lenore: a rose

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Lenore: that prevented you from doing what you think, perhaps you might have been better doing.

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Lenore: And then, when you've got the feelings listed, what mind activity

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Lenore: was driving that

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Lenore: so what thoughts or other mind activity arose that contributed to those feelings arising so there might have been mental movies playing out like when I imagined going over to speak to the big group of sweaty men.

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Lenore: Might have been some kind of narrative. There might have been something you were

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Lenore: that voice in your head that we were talking about earlier in the day might have been something going on there, stories being told

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Lenore: what went through your mind.

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Lenore: Okay.

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Lenore: now, we're just going to jump over to the other scenario, the scenario where you did act where you did practice courage

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Lenore: and just quickly do the same thing in terms of describing it. So.

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Lenore: setting

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Lenore: where you were, who you were, with

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Lenore: what was going on, how you were feeling prior to that incident.

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Lenore: We'll call this incident situation, too.

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Lenore: And so then just the facts. What happened? Who said or did, what

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Lenore: what did you do or not do?

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Lenore: And then again, what feelings were present in that moment where you chose to act.

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Lenore: and then probably connected to that. What mind activity was going on.

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Lenore: what mind activity

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Lenore: was going on when you decided to act

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Lenore: thoughts, things you said to yourself. mental movies

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Lenore: playing your internal cinema

383
00:45:39.100 --> 00:45:42.259
Lenore: that led you to practice courage in that moment.

384
00:46:29.640 --> 00:46:31.509
Lenore: and when you finish describing that.

385
00:46:33.320 --> 00:46:35.100
Lenore: have a look at both those

386
00:46:35.590 --> 00:46:39.100
Lenore: situations from what went on as you've described them.

387
00:46:41.080 --> 00:46:43.460
Lenore: and ponder what led to the difference

388
00:46:44.390 --> 00:46:49.420
Lenore: in the decision to practice courage versus, not practice courage.

389
00:46:53.110 --> 00:46:55.520
Lenore: What was it about? Scenario? One

390
00:46:56.590 --> 00:46:59.889
Lenore: that meant you chose to not exercise your courage muscle.

391
00:47:01.340 --> 00:47:04.159
Lenore: And in scenario 2, you did

392
00:48:39.140 --> 00:48:43.609
Lenore: so. I'm going to suggest that we just hop into pairs and

393
00:48:44.630 --> 00:48:51.260
Lenore: discuss the output of your reflections on this. What it tells you about your current practice of courage.

394
00:48:53.900 --> 00:48:55.720
Lenore: what helped

395
00:48:56.660 --> 00:48:58.350
Lenore: what doesn't help?

396
00:49:00.600 --> 00:49:01.290
Lenore: If

397
00:49:01.720 --> 00:49:11.479
Lenore: you you might want to reflect on whether you you have strong use courage practices at the moment. Yeah, there is. Would you like to amp it up?

398
00:49:12.270 --> 00:49:13.890
Lenore: If so, what would that take?

399
00:49:15.580 --> 00:49:25.359
Lenore: And then I want what I want to do once you've had a chance to discuss that in pairs is just come back to the group and share insights and

400
00:49:26.150 --> 00:49:28.310
Lenore: ideas and the things that help

401
00:49:31.010 --> 00:49:33.820
Lenore: the things that help us make that decision.

402
00:49:34.870 --> 00:49:38.210
Lenore: to exercise our courage muscle

403
00:49:39.500 --> 00:49:41.330
Lenore: when we have the chance to do that.

404
00:49:43.590 --> 00:49:48.950
Lenore: So can I suggest you just pair up with somebody who sits near you

405
00:49:53.180 --> 00:49:55.170
Lenore: or not? If there's nobody near you.

406
00:50:10.230 --> 00:50:10.920
Yes.

407
00:50:16.470 --> 00:50:19.949
Lenore: let's see 10 past 8.

408
00:50:21.600 --> 00:50:24.400
Lenore: 15 min. Yeah.

409
00:50:37.760 --> 00:50:56.979
Hall (Alan - Host): Hi, everybody at home. We'll soon send you a chance to be in groups of 2, and we'll see how we go, Meghan Herklain, at home you can form your own groups at home, and everybody else will be in groups of 2. You'll have 15 min, and as the timer has been set for that. Okay, let's see how you go.

410
00:50:57.700 --> 00:50:59.080
Wow!

411
00:50:59.370 --> 00:51:18.860
Hall (Alan - Host): Well, they all went.

412
00:51:34.370 --> 00:51:39.419
Lenore: So I'd love to hear your insights and to pool. Any

413
00:51:40.030 --> 00:51:42.079
Lenore: ideas about what helps

414
00:51:43.410 --> 00:51:45.459
Lenore: flexing our courage. Muscle.

415
00:51:50.120 --> 00:51:51.470
Lenore: What did you notice?

416
00:51:55.930 --> 00:51:57.200
Lenore: Yeah, Carol?

417
00:51:59.930 --> 00:52:00.700
Hello.

418
00:52:01.130 --> 00:52:04.229
Lenore: do we need a microphone, Gus?

419
00:52:07.770 --> 00:52:08.520
No.

420
00:52:21.530 --> 00:52:29.799
Lenore: sorry. It's me again. There we go. One of the things that helps courage. We both decided was having an ally.

421
00:52:30.230 --> 00:52:36.329
Lenore: So that makes it really easier to have somebody with you. And so that made a huge difference.

422
00:52:36.360 --> 00:52:49.619
Lenore: and the thing that made courage difficult was fearing what the consequences are going to be interesting. Did you find that the fear was right sized at the time.

423
00:52:49.740 --> 00:52:52.989
Lenore: or was it? Did the fear sort of

424
00:52:53.170 --> 00:52:55.990
Lenore:  Was it

425
00:52:56.310 --> 00:53:05.820
Lenore: bigger than the reality? Was there any sense of that. Oh, look! I think for me it was for me it was a very long standing. Thing that had been

426
00:53:05.890 --> 00:53:19.589
Lenore: evolving over over time. And it was about it's about a failure to deal with conflict in A in a long like. Basically, you got 2 people in a in a long, long, existing working relationship, both of whom are conflict. Averse

427
00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:28.069
Lenore: recipe for disaster. Lots of stuff bubbling away. Then, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So so yeah.

428
00:53:28.590 --> 00:53:32.490
Lenore: But the fear, I think the fear, the fear.

429
00:53:33.370 --> 00:53:39.560
Lenore: I think, that the consequences of not dealing with the issues

430
00:53:39.920 --> 00:53:51.459
Lenore:  were far greater than I think you know. Had they'd be, you know, it was really terrible. It was like a divorce. It was awful, whereas and it's taken 17 years to repair. So there you go. So

431
00:53:51.530 --> 00:54:01.009
Lenore: I think probably you know, I learned learned learned a lot from that. Yeah, yeah, I still conflict of us. But I think probably probably manage it a bit better.

432
00:54:02.670 --> 00:54:08.480
Lenore: One of the topics I used to teach in my leadership program was conflict res and

433
00:54:08.570 --> 00:54:11.630
Lenore: I started by getting the group to just discuss

434
00:54:11.900 --> 00:54:14.370
Lenore: a proposition, and the proposition was.

435
00:54:14.530 --> 00:54:18.650
Lenore:  conflict never has a neutral effect.

436
00:54:19.260 --> 00:54:24.119
Lenore: So, choosing to not and get being aversive, being avoidance

437
00:54:24.380 --> 00:54:30.329
Lenore: still has an impact you've just described, it builds and it builds. And it builds.

438
00:54:30.880 --> 00:54:40.060
Lenore: So yeah, whatever, if if there's a conflict there, there's there's there's going to be an outcome. There's going to be an impact. It's about deciding what kind you'd like

439
00:54:40.180 --> 00:54:43.200
Lenore: avoiding. It doesn't mean there's no impact. Yeah.

440
00:54:43.480 --> 00:54:47.840
Lenore: yeah, interesting. So an ally and fear of consequences. Yep.

441
00:54:49.630 --> 00:55:05.439
Lenore: So Luby and I both agreed that it was pretty on the spot to know that we were sharing this with someone so props to everyone for actually speaking to someone else about when they weren't courageous. I think that's quite courageous in and of itself it is so you can put that on your list.

442
00:55:05.540 --> 00:55:12.529
Lenore:  for me. I wanted to also echo the feeling of support. I think that

443
00:55:12.880 --> 00:55:14.560
Lenore: having someone.

444
00:55:14.770 --> 00:55:22.110
Lenore: either whether it's a community or a member like a trusted person who you've seen it, who's seen done it before and have some kind of

445
00:55:22.390 --> 00:55:27.720
Lenore: expertise is for me the difference maker. There are times when

446
00:55:27.760 --> 00:55:29.060
Lenore: I feel like

447
00:55:29.140 --> 00:55:56.969
Lenore: I'm on an island by myself, and that's very difficult for me to exercise courage. And then, if I'm in a supportive community of people with didn't have to have to agree all the time, but at least kind of pushing the rock up in the same direction. That's when I feel correct my courage has its own momentum, so I'm not sure if that's an excuse for acting poorly, or like within my own comfort zone, or like being lazy. But for me, looking at my answers, that was just like instant. That's what came out so

448
00:55:57.250 --> 00:56:11.589
Lenore: and does do those allies, those friends, those companions. Do. They have to be there at the time of the incident? Or it's just you have to have them in your life. I think in my life. I'm quite happy to speak my mind per se, but

449
00:56:11.950 --> 00:56:14.729
Lenore: I think to have someone to debrief with

450
00:56:14.750 --> 00:56:22.139
Lenore: someone who might even challenge you a little bit, but kind of feel like you've got someone in your corner that for me feels very important.

451
00:56:22.260 --> 00:56:23.030
Lenore: Yep.

452
00:56:23.740 --> 00:56:29.120
Lenore: something. And as we hear these, these are all. You know, little tactics that we can learn from each other.

453
00:56:30.450 --> 00:56:32.629
Lenore: Libby, did you have something to add or not?

454
00:56:33.790 --> 00:56:34.960
Lenore: Well.

455
00:56:35.330 --> 00:56:45.479
Lenore: in a situation where I failed? It was just she accounts. Really. I was afraid of you know, sort of peer pressure being outnumbered. So

456
00:56:45.600 --> 00:57:01.970
Lenore: that was that one. And in the situation when I was was brave. It was probably just sheer desperation that if I didn't do something that's going to go completely bonkers, right? Yeah, right? So there's a consequent anticipated consequence of not

457
00:57:02.020 --> 00:57:08.709
Lenore: acting, and that was too unacceptable. Yes, yeah. The one where you said you were worried you'd be outvoted

458
00:57:09.080 --> 00:57:25.050
Lenore: was so is that a fear of exclusion or judgment, or what was what was yeah, I think it will. I was just in in a car, and I wanted the car to stop to. You know. Help an animal. We just knocked with the car.

459
00:57:25.070 --> 00:57:37.860
Lenore: and I was outvoted, and it's sort of hard to kind of insist when you're not behind the wheel yourself. Well, that's what I found. I mean, I yeah, I feel as though I should have done something more. But

460
00:57:38.130 --> 00:57:40.459
Lenore: yeah, at the time I didn't. Yeah.

461
00:57:40.930 --> 00:57:48.860
Lenore: So what was did you imagine saying more? Trying to do more? And then there was sort of fear around what might happen.

462
00:57:49.210 --> 00:57:53.880
Lenore: Yes, yeah. Fear of exclusion. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

463
00:57:54.790 --> 00:57:57.160
Lenore: Hmm. okay. Thanks.

464
00:57:58.130 --> 00:58:11.450
Lenore: One thing that came up for us was like, there were a couple of examples of like being in that like a moment of shock and almost a flat fly top scenario.

465
00:58:11.650 --> 00:58:13.050
Lenore: and wishing

466
00:58:13.570 --> 00:58:17.620
Lenore: we or one of us had the can. You know the sort of

467
00:58:18.220 --> 00:58:22.550
Lenore: the poise to be able to sort of respond appropriately in that moment, instead of

468
00:58:22.600 --> 00:58:41.819
Lenore: whatever it might be. Response. But then I think one of the other things that came up is having the time to process and respond  and think through what I want to say, rather, you know, we've seen that. I think everyone's gravitated. Many people have gravitated towards these

469
00:58:42.150 --> 00:58:46.450
Lenore: areas of conflict, perhaps, and the other thing I wanted to

470
00:58:47.350 --> 00:58:56.670
Lenore: question or raise was like the role of emotion like I had a had a experience of just being so, he hitting a snapping point with someone.

471
00:58:56.790 --> 00:58:58.019
Lenore: and then

472
00:58:58.040 --> 00:59:01.390
Lenore: being quite courageous in a way.

473
00:59:01.930 --> 00:59:06.159
Lenore: but it was driven somewhat by

474
00:59:06.340 --> 00:59:09.329
Lenore: anger. And you know, wonder how you know.

475
00:59:09.720 --> 00:59:13.270
Lenore: I wonder, about the reactivity of that or the

476
00:59:13.710 --> 00:59:17.270
Lenore: I felt like, I responded quite clearly, but

477
00:59:18.710 --> 00:59:29.800
Lenore: it was! It was only, I think, the courage to do. It was only made possible by a certain sense of desperation or certain sense of anger, a certain sense of frustration.

478
00:59:30.240 --> 00:59:38.180
Lenore: Anyway, that's one. So is there a concern there that the response or reaction that you had was

479
00:59:38.310 --> 00:59:43.079
Lenore: somehow damaging. Or yeah, I mean, I think you know.

480
00:59:43.160 --> 00:59:47.489
Lenore: And some level, we're just animals. We can be, anyway.

481
00:59:48.620 --> 00:59:53.769
Lenore: If you take that to the extreme, you know, like responding. You know that in the fight type

482
00:59:54.520 --> 00:59:59.419
Lenore: scenario, and I've had those experiences, too, where I've just snapped on someone.

483
00:59:59.660 --> 01:00:03.890
Lenore:  sorry. But

484
01:00:03.940 --> 01:00:15.930
Lenore: I wonder where the you know where the the middle background is? There where the middle way is there? Because I don't think that's healthy. I don't like to be hijacked by an emotional anger or something like that, but

485
01:00:16.190 --> 01:00:20.750
Lenore: but it can play a positive role, I think in speaking one's truth.

486
01:00:20.910 --> 01:00:31.170
Lenore: finding the courage to speak so when you say the snap, the snap factor was that something that had built up this is, that's a different scenario. But yeah, I guess

487
01:00:31.280 --> 01:00:37.010
Lenore: in in my case, like it was a. It was an employer that had been

488
01:00:37.540 --> 01:00:39.690
Lenore: a bit toxic for a long time.

489
01:00:39.890 --> 01:00:45.370
Lenore: and I eventually called him out, and it had bad consequences for me. And then I

490
01:00:45.730 --> 01:00:48.280
Lenore: then I write a really strong word letter to them

491
01:00:48.390 --> 01:00:50.020
Lenore: to the management, let's say.

492
01:00:50.470 --> 01:01:00.030
Lenore: and I so you know I'm proud of my behaviour in that scenario. But  But it wouldn't have happened if I didn't get angry enough, I don't think.

493
01:01:00.120 --> 01:01:04.649
Lenore: but also, I think like maybe I shouldn't let it get so bad as well, you know.

494
01:01:05.610 --> 01:01:08.480
Lenore: Act sooner. Yeah. yep.

495
01:01:08.950 --> 01:01:15.779
Lenore: My experience is, if you if you act sooner, it doesn't snowball. So you've got a bit more

496
01:01:15.820 --> 01:01:20.979
Lenore: presence, a little less reactivity. Yeah, to deal with it while it's

497
01:01:21.200 --> 01:01:22.749
Lenore: this high rather than

498
01:01:23.310 --> 01:01:25.150
Lenore: waiting till it gets this high.

499
01:01:25.470 --> 01:01:26.330
Yeah.

500
01:01:29.910 --> 01:01:43.789
Lenore: Yeah. So acting sooner. There, there was a theory about Can't even remember whose it was, but they talked about pinches and crunches. So you know. little situation that just keeps

501
01:01:43.830 --> 01:01:49.959
Lenore: pinching, keeps pinching, keeps pinching like the one that builds up over time, and maybe there's never a

502
01:01:50.350 --> 01:01:53.570
Lenore: a big crunch. But if I don't

503
01:01:53.650 --> 01:01:58.140
Lenore: speak up or do what I need to do with the pinches, they eventually become a crunch

504
01:01:58.750 --> 01:02:03.789
Lenore: dealing with the pinches, maybe would be a potential tactic.

505
01:02:06.490 --> 01:02:11.110
Lenore: Hi, I'm Olive, by the way, I haven't spoken yet, so

506
01:02:11.470 --> 01:02:29.199
Lenore: resonates quite a bit with people who have spoken before. So the timing for me is a very important factor between acting and not acting. So I'm not very good on acting on the spot. So I need a little bit of time to process

507
01:02:29.300 --> 01:02:32.310
Lenore: and say whether.

508
01:02:32.780 --> 01:02:36.319
Lenore: according to my values, I need to take this step.

509
01:02:36.600 --> 01:02:58.779
Lenore: though, when it's too much time. It's extremely energy consuming. So it needs to be action. Honest as soon as it's possible. Once I've done that mental process, that yes, action is needed. I need this conversation, or whatever not, I need to action it as soon as possible. So in terms of feelings and emotions. So soon I have discussed

510
01:02:59.080 --> 01:03:16.749
Lenore: the feelings and emotion associated with acting, and the feeling and emotion associated with not acting exactly the same fear and anxiety. So you might as well take in action and enjoy the benefits of actually getting it.

511
01:03:17.090 --> 01:03:27.960
Lenore: I don't want to say getting it right, but getting what you feel like you need to get out of that situation, and you know, if necessary, even come back to it

512
01:03:28.490 --> 01:03:36.630
Lenore: so, and and also yes. keep training that courage muscles. So I was in a situation when I failed to act.

513
01:03:36.700 --> 01:03:46.110
Lenore: and I was feeling terrible down the track. I couldn't come back to it next time, when something similar happened to me. I brought it back, and I said, No.

514
01:03:46.190 --> 01:03:51.010
Lenore: drag yourself back to that situation. Accident, otherwise it will be with you, for

515
01:03:51.040 --> 01:03:54.479
Lenore: God knows how long. Yeah, right? Yeah, right?

516
01:03:54.580 --> 01:04:09.239
Lenore: So do they have anything. I think that's a beautiful insight that you know the feelings are often the same, you know you still going through that anxiety and fear. What do I do next? Yeah, nice. Thank you. Thank you.

517
01:04:12.920 --> 01:04:15.059
Lenore: My first situation was

518
01:04:15.130 --> 01:04:18.750
Lenore: walking on a street in Miami.

519
01:04:20.490 --> 01:04:25.039
Lenore: I'm pretty sure it was Miami, and it was a hot, very hot day.

520
01:04:26.420 --> 01:04:28.830
Lenore: and a homeless person

521
01:04:29.190 --> 01:04:31.659
Lenore: got hit by a car right in front of me.

522
01:04:32.000 --> 01:04:35.650
Lenore: not seriously, but enough to knock him down right.

523
01:04:36.640 --> 01:04:37.700
Lenore: And

524
01:04:38.270 --> 01:04:41.010
Lenore: there's all grades of homeless.

525
01:04:41.210 --> 01:04:44.899
Lenore: and he was the bottom grade of holos. He was so dirty.

526
01:04:46.550 --> 01:04:50.970
Lenore: I mean. He was just dirty, and nobody was willing to go

527
01:04:51.220 --> 01:04:56.110
Lenore: remove him from that hot pavement, which he was very, very uncomfortable with.

528
01:04:58.490 --> 01:05:04.110
Lenore: and I go back and forth. I never have forgotten that, because it gave me

529
01:05:04.140 --> 01:05:07.439
Lenore: a lot of guilt about not stepping forward.

530
01:05:07.550 --> 01:05:14.439
Lenore: and and I can go back and justify the fact that my blind wife was on my arm. What was I gonna do with her

531
01:05:14.470 --> 01:05:17.089
Lenore: right? Just couldn't leave her standing there.

532
01:05:17.500 --> 01:05:25.170
Lenore: and the fact that I don't think I did a quarter of a block when the policeman came walking down the sidewalk, and I said to him, Are you here for the guy that just got hit.

533
01:05:26.070 --> 01:05:30.739
Lenore: and he said no, as he said where he went down the street

534
01:05:31.580 --> 01:05:32.260
right

535
01:05:32.820 --> 01:05:39.960
Lenore: just went charging down the street to it. But I've never forgot that sense of guilt, and I keep it around.

536
01:05:40.670 --> 01:05:44.969
Lenore: Does that motivate you, too? Yes, and and there was

537
01:05:45.040 --> 01:05:46.820
Lenore: the second part was

538
01:05:49.290 --> 01:05:54.569
Lenore:  and they're really different circumstances. But

539
01:05:54.780 --> 01:06:05.700
Lenore: one of I had just passed, the car was just working just right as I passed the car, a kid on a bike or a motor scooter. Motor scooter

540
01:06:05.980 --> 01:06:08.780
Lenore: ran into the back of the car in front of it.

541
01:06:08.800 --> 01:06:11.560
Lenore: I mean hard, really hard.

542
01:06:12.090 --> 01:06:19.150
Lenore: and he ended up, sprawled on the street, and I stopped immediately. The kid was clean. Okay.

543
01:06:19.260 --> 01:06:24.120
Lenore: I stopped immediately, got the ambulance to come and called his mom, and off he goes. Okay.

544
01:06:27.680 --> 01:06:30.720
Lenore: but it doesn't. It's it's it's

545
01:06:32.230 --> 01:06:35.230
Lenore: it was a decision to stop instead of drive on.

546
01:06:35.380 --> 01:06:36.130
Good.

547
01:06:37.980 --> 01:06:40.090
Lenore: But the second incident was

548
01:06:41.000 --> 01:06:44.340
Lenore:  again in my in Florida.

549
01:06:44.440 --> 01:06:46.629
Lenore: and I was walking on the dock

550
01:06:47.300 --> 01:06:53.710
Lenore: when the tall boat race was going on around the world. Tall but boat boat race in Miami was one of their stops.

551
01:06:54.900 --> 01:06:58.619
Lenore: and these are 80 feet high, mass, big big boats.

552
01:07:00.260 --> 01:07:06.670
Lenore: and if you know anything about boats. there's 4 lines that hold the boat to the dock, not 2, but 4

553
01:07:07.900 --> 01:07:10.839
Lenore: and as I'm walking by the cleat.

554
01:07:11.110 --> 01:07:27.920
Lenore: I happened to look up, and and they had boats were all charging out. The testosterone was flowing. Okay, and boats were just charging out of Harvard, and I happened to look up, and I can see that they did not, had not cleared one of the lines and was still attached to the boat.

555
01:07:28.860 --> 01:07:32.780
Lenore: and it was dipping into the water, and it was starting to come out.

556
01:07:33.600 --> 01:07:40.349
Lenore: and I was able to grab, hold the line and pull it off the top of the clique.

557
01:07:40.720 --> 01:07:46.770
Lenore: and no sooner I get off the top of the cleat it goes, you know. Off it goes to the boat.

558
01:07:48.570 --> 01:07:53.980
Lenore: and I looked up. and the guy that was responsible for that line was on the

559
01:07:54.120 --> 01:07:57.309
Lenore: stern on his knees, bowing.

560
01:07:58.140 --> 01:07:59.870
Lenore: Okay.

561
01:08:01.800 --> 01:08:02.580
the.

562
01:08:02.820 --> 01:08:10.100
Lenore: But that was just total reflex. Okay, there was nothing else but reflex going on. There was no thought about

563
01:08:11.000 --> 01:08:17.319
Lenore: fear or anything. I just knew that if I didn't do that a lot of people were gonna get hurt.

564
01:08:17.870 --> 01:08:22.500
Lenore: and it was down and up within seconds.

565
01:08:24.109 --> 01:08:25.350
Lenore: Interesting.

566
01:08:26.700 --> 01:08:29.739
Lenore: pretty rare. We have those moments, isn't it? Where the decision

567
01:08:29.830 --> 01:08:32.339
Lenore: has to be right now? Yeah.

568
01:08:32.680 --> 01:08:33.630
Lenore: yeah.

569
01:08:34.640 --> 01:08:41.229
Lenore: But there was no, there's no there was no alleviation of the guilt. It was just like the other one had

570
01:08:41.430 --> 01:08:45.210
Lenore: a connection to yeah, to acting

571
01:08:46.710 --> 01:08:54.880
Lenore: based on what had happened in the fifth and not the second one. Yeah, but still

572
01:08:55.109 --> 01:08:57.050
Lenore: I could have backed up instead of

573
01:08:58.189 --> 01:09:03.980
Lenore: reaching down. and I suspect the cumulative act of exercising our courage. Muscle

574
01:09:04.430 --> 01:09:08.940
Lenore: would make us more likely to act in that moment than and less.

575
01:09:09.130 --> 01:09:11.619
Lenore: Yeah. thanks, Tim.

576
01:09:18.819 --> 01:09:22.309
Lenore: For me. The the case of not acting

577
01:09:22.609 --> 01:09:24.819
Lenore: was really one of

578
01:09:25.740 --> 01:09:32.219
Lenore: not framing the situation as one in which I ought to act, or it was my role to act.

579
01:09:33.290 --> 01:09:38.360
Lenore: and there were reasons for that.

580
01:09:39.810 --> 01:09:48.999
Lenore: but it it was very clear to me as things evolved, that in fact, I should have been there, I should have been doing something. and it felt like a lack of moral imagination

581
01:09:49.779 --> 01:09:52.350
Lenore: and great sense of shame.

582
01:09:53.420 --> 01:10:00.640
Lenore: so I can fully understand why it was that it didn't occur to me that I should be doing something.

583
01:10:01.070 --> 01:10:03.580
Lenore:  but

584
01:10:03.880 --> 01:10:07.719
Lenore: I should. and it doesn't. You don't get let off the hook.

585
01:10:09.900 --> 01:10:10.940
Lenore: Hmm!

586
01:10:13.380 --> 01:10:15.449
Lenore: I wonder if shame has a purpose?

587
01:10:17.410 --> 01:10:20.159
Lenore: Well, it does. It does

588
01:10:20.360 --> 01:10:31.709
Lenore: but it rather over. You usually get overkill from Shane. Sticks around for a long time.

589
01:10:31.860 --> 01:10:34.750
Lenore: Yeah. thanks, Galen.

590
01:10:45.900 --> 01:10:53.499
Lenore: Pick up on some different sort of line of insights rather than repeat some of the things that are being said. But

591
01:10:53.860 --> 01:10:58.690
Lenore: we talked about sometimes being courageous is actually not acting.

592
01:10:59.150 --> 01:10:59.820
Yep.

593
01:10:59.950 --> 01:11:02.420
Lenore:  And

594
01:11:02.860 --> 01:11:06.080
Lenore: some of the elements of that is sort of

595
01:11:06.650 --> 01:11:11.170
Lenore: hitting that pause button between the stimulus and response.

596
01:11:11.420 --> 01:11:23.339
Lenore: Then thinking through, okay, how catastrophic are the. It's like doing a risk assessment, you know. Is it going to be a catastrophic outcome if you don't act

597
01:11:23.400 --> 01:11:27.170
Lenore: in a certain way right now. or

598
01:11:27.220 --> 01:11:31.619
Lenore: taking this afternoon's presentation talking about, you know, strategy and

599
01:11:31.760 --> 01:11:37.729
Lenore: and tactics. What I call things practical sometimes hope not

600
01:11:37.850 --> 01:11:42.529
Lenore: acting in every situation because you're playing a longer game.

601
01:11:42.600 --> 01:11:45.959
Lenore: and you've got to hold. Your nerve is more more important

602
01:11:46.620 --> 01:11:59.029
Lenore: in personal conflict situations where you might want to intervene. It might be that in acting you might be unintentionally taking away the agency and the dignity of the person

603
01:11:59.040 --> 01:12:02.539
Lenore: to actually resolve it without coming to their rescue.

604
01:12:04.590 --> 01:12:12.770
Lenore: staying with the risk assessment. If the criticality is such that it's that it's life and death matter.

605
01:12:12.820 --> 01:12:17.890
Lenore: Then you have a civic and loving duty to do that, particularly if your

606
01:12:17.920 --> 01:12:20.330
Lenore: I'm so trained to do that.

607
01:12:20.950 --> 01:12:25.579
Lenore: One of my earlier qualifications was was in

608
01:12:25.880 --> 01:12:52.770
Lenore: paramedic, and I remember the lesson that was drummed into me. Never be the cause to have to send another ambulance cause. You're dealing with courageous situations all the time. So you know, you get to a scene of horrific motor vehicle accident don't run your trip over. Because and if you and if you do run, you might miss out the fact that the power lines are down, this petrol spilling out, and a bystanders lighting up a cigarette. You know that sort of stuff.

609
01:12:52.980 --> 01:12:59.950
Lenore: So I think it's the constantly having the mindfulness to go through a risk assessment.

610
01:13:00.110 --> 01:13:09.949
Lenore: And I know that sounds a bit sort of corporate and pedestrian, but I think in certain scenarios it's it's worthwhile to be thinking about

611
01:13:10.010 --> 01:13:16.880
Lenore: what what are the consequences, and then, therefore, sometimes an insight is

612
01:13:17.400 --> 01:13:20.879
Lenore: not not doing anything is the most courageous thing to do.

613
01:13:21.340 --> 01:13:22.809
Lenore: And they yeah.

614
01:13:25.310 --> 01:13:28.080
Lenore: I just sort of wanted to add to that

615
01:13:28.890 --> 01:13:41.520
Lenore: I think, in deciding whether to act in a courageous way. You also have to really think about what is the most kind thing to do to yourself for yourself, and there might be some situations I could imagine where somebody

616
01:13:42.090 --> 01:13:51.250
Lenore: I'm I'm just being a bit abstract here, but you know where past experience, or past fears, or things which might trigger a whole lot of really negative

617
01:13:51.300 --> 01:14:01.170
Lenore: traumatic responses might interfere with an individual's ability to to act or to call out something, and I think it's not not being courageous to

618
01:14:01.310 --> 01:14:19.640
Lenore: to do that in that situation. I think it's actually looking after yourself, and knowing that you could do yourself more harm by injecting yourself a little bit like John was saying, with the not becoming another, not needing another ambulance, you know, it's about really thinking. Well, have I got the capacity to to do this? Is it?

619
01:14:20.080 --> 01:14:20.980
Lenore: And

620
01:14:21.710 --> 01:14:26.780
Lenore: you know, is it worth it? And and there's some situations, I think, where you could

621
01:14:26.870 --> 01:14:28.339
Lenore: say that

622
01:14:28.490 --> 01:14:40.599
Lenore: if the likelihood of you achieving a if the likelihood of one achieving a positive outcome is low, but the cost to you is a likely, quite detrimental effect. Then I think.

623
01:14:40.710 --> 01:14:43.240
Lenore: being courageous is caring for yourself.

624
01:14:43.760 --> 01:14:48.539
Lenore: Hmm. Yep. totally agree. One of the things I love about the demo is that

625
01:14:49.260 --> 01:14:53.349
Lenore: we are as deserving of compassion as any other being.

626
01:14:55.730 --> 01:14:57.180
Lenore: And yes.

627
01:15:02.520 --> 01:15:10.370
Lenore: Tessa, again, I I really find that a tricky balance and something that I'm

628
01:15:11.670 --> 01:15:25.309
Lenore: really working on at the moment, and I bet a lot of people here would have advice for me. But I, you know I feel a lot of shame when I choose not to act, and I have an opportunity to, and

629
01:15:25.670 --> 01:15:30.110
Lenore: just given the nature of life and the world. There are constant opportunities to

630
01:15:30.340 --> 01:15:37.919
Lenore: be courageous and act. But I yes, I guess I don't know how to

631
01:15:38.600 --> 01:15:48.169
Lenore: how to decide like what is is worth it like, flog myself for it, because it is just really, really frigging important. And just.

632
01:15:48.660 --> 01:16:01.239
Lenore: You know, we did that a bit in the in that last election as well kind of drove myself into the ground because I was like fuck it. This election might be life or death, so I'm just going to go for it.

633
01:16:01.430 --> 01:16:14.239
Lenore: But then, other times I'm like, I'm not sure. When, when, when is it worth flogging myself for it, and when not, and more and more these days, I'm like less willing to kind of. Really.

634
01:16:14.730 --> 01:16:26.550
Lenore: I'm using this word flog myself, which is really like Whoa! Where's this come from? A bit to really, I guess. Burn myself out over my cares. And

635
01:16:26.660 --> 01:16:37.710
Lenore: You know someone. I've no idea who it was, but there was a teacher once who was saying to me, You know, if it's not working for you, like, if you're not okay, then it's not working.

636
01:16:38.970 --> 01:16:40.449
Lenore: And I? Yeah.

637
01:16:40.980 --> 01:16:43.199
Lenore: not sure how to do that

638
01:16:43.310 --> 01:16:44.110
Lenore: yet.

639
01:16:44.760 --> 01:16:50.199
Lenore: It's it's an interesting one, isn't it, Tessa? Because, you know, there.

640
01:16:51.870 --> 01:17:01.409
Lenore: in in one imagining of this, we can. We can go hole? It doesn't. It's feeling a bit uncomfortable. So that's not okay for me.

641
01:17:01.880 --> 01:17:05.799
Lenore: you know that, and and let ourselves off the hook a little bit too easily.

642
01:17:05.860 --> 01:17:12.089
Lenore: because you know it just it feels uncomfortable. And then, on the other side of it, you've got that.

643
01:17:12.610 --> 01:17:15.729
Lenore: Oh, well, I've got to do it. And you know it's it's

644
01:17:15.850 --> 01:17:28.090
Lenore: has to be done over there for flogging of oneself. and and my sense like I think this has come out a number of times over the week already. Is that

645
01:17:28.320 --> 01:17:32.300
Lenore:  Each situation has to be

646
01:17:32.630 --> 01:17:39.559
Lenore: taken with its context and its variables that are unique.

647
01:17:40.630 --> 01:17:44.189
Lenore: and I guess my

648
01:17:44.240 --> 01:17:56.889
Lenore: way of approaching that kind of thing. II do sometimes challenged my said to what was it Kristen? Last night, you know, sometimes kick myself in the bum. What I mean by that is, I do sometimes challenge myself if I think it's just

649
01:17:57.910 --> 01:18:06.879
Lenore: if I'm just kind of erring on the side of not acting, because it's a bit uncomfortable. and it's important.

650
01:18:08.240 --> 01:18:10.540
Lenore: Then, you know, I might

651
01:18:10.600 --> 01:18:13.190
Lenore: spur myself into action regardless.

652
01:18:14.100 --> 01:18:19.800
Lenore: But it's always this constant sort of judgment about well, how important is the outcome!

653
01:18:20.010 --> 01:18:26.790
Lenore: How likely is the outcome? How? Texting! Is it really for me?

654
01:18:27.460 --> 01:18:30.199
Lenore: And taking it in

655
01:18:30.240 --> 01:18:37.749
Lenore: taking all of those things into account in the moment. And to me again, this is this thing about ethics rather than morals, you know every situation

656
01:18:38.240 --> 01:18:51.239
Lenore: presents itself with its own unique set of circumstances. If something's not time critical, you just said you didn't. What one suggestion might be to consider

657
01:18:51.430 --> 01:18:55.169
Lenore: adopting the methodologies to do with the art of discernment.

658
01:18:55.400 --> 01:19:07.439
Lenore: laying laying things out, involving trusted friends with the options that you're considering, and then you might end up with a couple of best options to act or not to act.

659
01:19:07.650 --> 01:19:15.480
Lenore: And then it's then discerning which is the best one of those fits. So there's actually a technique that that can be helpful

660
01:19:15.700 --> 01:19:17.429
Lenore: providers, not something that

661
01:19:17.750 --> 01:19:20.250
Lenore: you've got to respond to in the next 5 min.

662
01:19:21.340 --> 01:19:22.160
Yeah.

663
01:19:22.870 --> 01:19:33.289
Lenore: yeah, thank you. I think as you spoke, I think the issue is more often for me, just burnout actually is probably what's going on. Yeah.

664
01:19:33.860 --> 01:19:39.960
Lenore: I think that's really important is is being aware of that line of

665
01:19:40.630 --> 01:19:46.699
Lenore: overwhelm of burnout, of if I continue.

666
01:19:47.060 --> 01:19:48.660
Lenore: I'm gonna

667
01:19:49.720 --> 01:19:52.740
Lenore: it's not sustainable. That's the thing

668
01:19:53.350 --> 01:19:58.979
Lenore: I'm going to talk about that in a couple of days of how do we, you know, fill our own bucket

669
01:19:59.150 --> 01:20:07.539
Lenore: to make sure that we're able to keep contributing but I definitely think maintaining an awareness of

670
01:20:08.320 --> 01:20:12.360
Lenore: when our tank is empty and then

671
01:20:12.510 --> 01:20:21.980
Lenore: deciding, okay, yeah, the world has to cope without me. Today, I need. I need to refill. My own tank

672
01:20:22.750 --> 01:20:25.000
Lenore: is is incredibly important.

673
01:20:26.000 --> 01:20:26.900
Lenore: Hmm.

674
01:20:32.580 --> 01:20:47.440
Lenore: just another thought on that decision of how much you've got to give or when to act. In the context of courage. I think it's really important to think about what your pre-existing responsibilities are, too, and what would suffer if you actually

675
01:20:47.590 --> 01:20:58.850
Lenore: weren't able to attend to the responsibilities that you've already taken on so. But you know, by taking on something larger, which would then mean you couldn't fulfill whatever it is you're doing.

676
01:20:58.870 --> 01:21:17.989
Lenore: which is important to other people in the present, I think I think that's an important thing to consider. So the overall consequences not just the consequences for the thing I'm thinking about doing the courage I'm thinking about practicing. But if I practice that, what are the other impacts in life? And sometimes our responsibilities don't seem

677
01:21:18.030 --> 01:21:28.269
Lenore: because we're used to them, or we know them, or they're a lesser intensity of courage required, although probably, nevertheless, constant courage. But we may

678
01:21:28.320 --> 01:21:32.829
Lenore: downgrade them because they're not big and exciting, you know.

679
01:21:32.860 --> 01:21:41.210
Lenore: the slower, the slower processes that nevertheless need tending to rather than the I don't know the

680
01:21:42.900 --> 01:21:46.069
Lenore: the the big dramatic thing to achieve. Yeah.

681
01:21:46.380 --> 01:21:50.249
Lenore: which then becomes extra complicated, doesn't it? When you've got a climate emergency?

682
01:21:50.770 --> 01:21:57.919
Lenore: And yeah, but yeah, I'm sort of thinking about that myself. Yeah, if we were to think we have 6 years to turn this around or we're stuffed.

683
01:21:59.680 --> 01:22:02.190
Lenore: what should I do? Hmm.

684
01:22:06.630 --> 01:22:11.140
Lenore: just briefly, I think one of the really difficult arts is to learn to listen to yourself.

685
01:22:12.390 --> 01:22:25.549
Lenore: can spend an awful lot of time working out the pros and cons and the costs and the other things, and all the things I have to do, what I find, and I don't think I am alone in this. That's all done. Being able just to listen to myself to what my body says.

686
01:22:26.160 --> 01:22:31.209
Lenore: Yes, no, black, white up, down. and then you better follow it

687
01:22:31.480 --> 01:22:32.660
Lenore: if you trust it.

688
01:22:33.900 --> 01:22:49.609
Lenore: Yes, unless sometimes the body can say, Run away, run away, you know, when you want to run away. Yeah.

689
01:22:53.420 --> 01:22:58.080
Lenore: This one raising a foot over there.

690
01:22:58.770 --> 01:23:18.659
Lenore: No, they were. They were raising a foot in the air. I thought they were just one thing I found helpful. We were talking before about the golden mean that you know the the right course of action is between 2 extremes, and so the extremes of

691
01:23:18.660 --> 01:23:43.019
Lenore: courage. One on on the lacking side is cowardice, but on the overkill side is full hardiness. And so I think those are useful concepts to bear in mind. So that that's from Aristotle. The golden mean of courage you've got full, you know. If if you're if you're doing something that's really stupid and rash, that's full hardiness, it is stu it says.

692
01:23:43.350 --> 01:23:49.550
Lenore: not effective as cowardice is. So I've found that useful. That idea. Yep.

693
01:24:00.510 --> 01:24:03.250
Lenore: I think we're done for the evening.

694
01:24:04.890 --> 01:24:07.760
Lenore: Thanks, guys. I hope there was some sort of shared

695
01:24:09.040 --> 01:24:10.720
Lenore: learning and ideas. There.

696
01:24:12.440 --> 01:24:14.599
Lenore: I think. Yeah.

697
01:24:15.920 --> 01:24:17.730
Lenore: flexia, courage, muscle.

698
01:24:25.540 --> 01:24:32.250
Lenore: Oh, I did have one little tactic. This is a really small thing, but a really helpful thing. That I was going to share with you.

699
01:24:32.770 --> 01:24:38.129
Lenore:  psychologists call it. It's a tactic for

700
01:24:38.900 --> 01:24:41.999
Lenore: lowering your anxiety in the moment

701
01:24:42.730 --> 01:24:48.079
Lenore: that I think is really relevant for practicing courage. It's called the physiological sigh.

702
01:24:48.570 --> 01:24:54.969
Lenore: And it's really simple. It's you. Just you breathe in. You do this twice. You just breathe in

703
01:24:57.180 --> 01:24:58.739
Lenore: really slow out breath.

704
01:25:00.210 --> 01:25:01.320
Lenore: So

705
01:25:01.570 --> 01:25:03.530
Lenore: in-breath

706
01:25:03.880 --> 01:25:06.649
Lenore: stimulates the sympathetic nervous system, outbreaks.

707
01:25:06.870 --> 01:25:09.389
Lenore: stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system

708
01:25:09.620 --> 01:25:21.530
Lenore: whole really interesting science behind this but that slow out breath actually lowers the anxiety level, which is why singing makes you feel calm, too.

709
01:25:21.820 --> 01:25:27.139
Lenore: Whistling. Yeah, because they're a slow outbreak. I thought I'd just leave you with that little

710
01:25:27.620 --> 01:25:31.299
Lenore: picking your courage. Practice armory.

711
01:25:34.230 --> 01:25:35.140
Lenore: Okay?

712
01:25:36.240 --> 01:25:40.999
Lenore: I think there's any messages or anything for tomorrow. So sleep well.

713
01:25:42.330 --> 01:25:45.330
Lenore: Meditation. Oh, we're gonna meditate. Sorry.